You Know You’re Desperate When…

As a digital media producer, a huge part of the job centers on making problems go away.  Ideally, most of this happens in pre-production, with a prescient consideration of the myriad things that might derail a project.     Good producers (and all creatives) mitigate in advance.  Doing so fosters a relatively harmonious and enjoyable experience during the actual production phase.

But let’s get real for just a second.

Things don’t always go as planned.   A wise green muppet (now CG-thingy) once said, “Always in motion is the future”.    Ah, never have truer words been spoken in an inverted sentence.   So, in deference to Master Yoda, and in acknowledgement of the vicious nature of Murphy’s Law, I embrace the fact that you can’t control everything all the time.  For instance, if I’d accidentally typed “viscous” instead of “vicious”, my Murphy’s Law sentence would have a new and utterly bizarre meaning (and I’m pretty sure the spell check tool would have been snickering at my expense).

The point is that producers must control what they can in advance, but also anticipate unforeseeable paths of failure.  One must have a large enough arsenal of resources and options ready in the event that those two goons, Entropy and Chaos, show up looking for a rumble.

I write all of this because, as a producer, I cannot come to terms with what is currently happening out in the Gulf of Mexico.    Personally, my comfort level requires a viable Plan A, B, C and D prior to production.  So how is it that BP, a giant PRODUCER in a decidedly higher-stakes game, seems to be in such a helpless scramble mode in the midst of an unfolding environmental crisis of their own making?  Honestly, I’d been giving them the benefit of the doubt and some empathetic slack until I read yesterday’s headlines:

BP may turn to golf balls and old tires to plug leaking well (St. Petersburg Times)

Okay, BP, I get it.  Your primary safety/containment systems failed due to the oilrig explosion (Plan A).   Your deepwater robots couldn’t shut off all of the valves at a depth of 5,000 feet (Plan B).   Your 4-story containment dome froze up (Plan C).   And now, Plan D…   golf balls.

Yes, one of the worst manmade environmental catastrophes in U.S history is following the script of a schlock 50’s B-movie: “Why, that golf ball plan is crazy.  So crazy it just might work!”

I pray it does work.  Too much is at stake.   I live close to the Gulf and much of my recreational time is spent out on the water.  I cross Tampa Bay every day and can’t abide the idea of that expanse fouled by an oily sheen and globs of tar.  No one on the Gulf Coast should have to deal with this.

Having said that, please rest assured, this isn’t some hotheaded polemic on offshore drilling and environmental impact.  Res ipsa loquitur.

No, this is simply an exhortation (and a cautionary reminder to myself) on the importance of being good, responsible, foresighted producers, no matter our industries or fields of endeavor.   For instance, I’ll know I’ve hit rock bottom as a producer if I ever find myself asking this on a shoot:  “Anyone got any golf balls?”

What’s next?  Duct tape?

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