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The Cost of Authenticity
One of the mantras espoused by the so-called gurus is that authenticity is the key to grow your influence. While this is not necessarily false, I think the mantra lacks definition, and when defined, exposes an inherent difficulty that is often overlooked.
While I would never condone being anything but authentic, and I do believe in this day and age you only gain influence if you are willing to show yourself as you are, authenticity can also be the reason your influence caps off. Allow me to explain.
Note: I apologize for strongly correlating “influence” with successful social relationships. It’s Dale Carnegie’s fault.
Most people that affirm the mantra think about influence/authenticity as almost directly proportional. If we could graph it, it would look somewhat like this:
Again, as they see it, the closer you are to acting and speaking 100% honestly, according to who you are, your influence skyrockets in proportion.
Now here is the one element that the masses tend to forget: People are more likely to follow and admire others that share similarities with them. Not exactly like them, but common traits do help people stick together better. People who like Lost don’t necessarily follow Kabuki-geeks. Kids that are Justin Bieber freaks don’t exactly look forward to the next Wynton Marsalis seminar. And in each of these examples, at least as far as our times go, the prior group grossly outweighs the latter one in popularity.
In this other graph, I’ll assume that everyone is authentic in their expressions and conduct, and I’m replacing the horizontal axis with the level of any character trait. By that I mean, the answer to “from 1 to 100, how ____ are you?” or “from 1 to 100, how much do you like _______?”.
In my opinion, if the average person would respond “+/- 50″, the graph would look like this:
The way I see it, your influence will peak at wherever your character trait coincides with the majority of folks. The person that is authentically at the yellow dot (roughly 50%) will enjoy much more influence than those at the green and blue dots. Those that after sincere consideration realize they’re at those points will find that their ability to influence others will be capped.
This poses an interesting problem for those seeking to gain influence, and who acknowledge themselves as being in the green or blue dots, or anywhere in between. Should they compromise authenticity in order to gain influence? Or should they rest satisfied with the max level of influence they will attain where they’re at?
Put in more simple terms: Should you sincerely make yourself more like the average person in order to gain their attention?
This is a question I’ve had to deal with seriously in the past decade. Laser-quick bio: I was born in N.Y., at age 7 dropped in the Dominican Republic hardly knowing any Spanish, and then “immigrated” back to the U.S. 10 years ago, having to then “re-learn” English and the U.S. way. I did not only become bilingual, but also what I call “bi-cultural”, meaning that I am culturally neither American nor Dominican, but some weird mixture in between. I can shift easily between my two cultures, but I can’t remain on any side for too long. That is my authentic self.
Now naturally, in many aspects I find myself right where I placed those blue and green dots, and I’ve had to wrestle with the temptation to conform to the majority surrounding me, given that I don’t easily “fit”, if you know what I mean. For example, I’m terrible with slang, I can’t pick up sarcasm easily, etc..
Now, I’m sure that although you may not have a crazy cross-cultural story in your background, most of you find yourselves in similar situations, at least in some aspect or other. (Bright lights, maybe in the end I AM catering to the sentiment of the majority! ;) )
I don’t want to make this post longer than it already is, so I’ll close by saying this: I’ve reached peace with being authentically myself, and letting the whole influence thing work itself out organically; however, it’s very clear to me that by being authentically who I am, I limit my reach towards certain population and cultural segments. Then again, could other segments be easier to reach because they can “tell” people who are sincere?
What do you think about this? Do you think this is a real issue? If so, how have you dealt with it?
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Author: Alex Rodríguez
Alex is a Visual & Interaction Creative at Mindclay, with his base being Motion Graphic Design. He's written and maintained several blogs and podcasts since 2004, but has been immersed in online social media since 1992. He frequently whips up a badass espresso at the office, stuff of legends (seriously, you gotta try it if you ever spin by). You can follow him on Twitter: @alxrodz, and connect with him via LinkedIn and Facebook.
9 Comments to “The Cost of Authenticity”
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I think it's only an "issue" if your ultimate objective is a very loosely defined "please everyone". If such is the case, then you may want to evaluate if that's what you truly want. If your true voice happens to be a somewhat homogenized yellow dot type, then by all means have at it. But I see no fault in fully owning the blue/green zones that their true selves might place them in.
I personally prefer the notion of having mondo (like that?) influence within your specific group of folk who share your like mind. Perhaps the more clearly defined mantra is "Authenticity is the key to growing your influence within your tribe/collective/like minded-hive/words".
This is yet another great post and reminded me of one a friend wrote a little while back that you might enjoy: http://lorideschene.com/10-reasons-it%E2%80%99s-a…
In my book, be genuine or GTFO. In the end I truly believe you'll be happier with not only yourself, but your life.
I think it's only an "issue" if your ultimate objective is a very loosely defined "please everyone". If such is the case, then you may want to evaluate if that's what you truly want. If your true voice happens to be a somewhat homogenized yellow dot type, then by all means have at it. But I see no fault in fully owning the blue/green zones that their true selves might place them in.
I personally prefer the notion of having mondo (like that?) influence within your specific group of folk who share your like mind. Perhaps the more clearly defined mantra is "Authenticity is the key to growing your influence within your tribe/collective/like minded-hive/words."
This is yet another great post and reminded me of one a friend wrote a little while back that you might enjoy: http://j.mp/bjHJ0W
In my every evolving book, be genuine or GTFO. In the end I truly believe you'll be happier with not only yourself, but your life.
Mike, great thoughts, and an equally great read on your friend's blog!
I agree with you in that authenticity is the last thing you should throw out. At the same time, I think there's a degree in which you can stretch or bend your ways so that others may identify with what you're saying, and at the same time NOT lose your true self.
I'm not talking here about trying to get people to like you, but rather helping people understand your ideas with less obstacles in the way. Whether they like your thoughts after that is entirely up to them; we just mold our expressions so that they're not instantly rejected. Does this make sense?
Then it sounds to me that you're speaking more of finding means to cross communication bridges and climb barriers to strengthen the impact of your voice. Basically becoming a better anthropologist. Not so much stretching or bending, but evolving.
As communicators it's an incredibly important skill for us to LVL UP. And fortunately to that end there's no real sacrifice of character unless your defining trait is to be staunch in your ways. :)
But also bare in mind that even the best communicators run into folks that are brick walls of thought.
Mike, I used the words stretching or bending, because it can require you to move away from your "comfortable" way of expressing yourself, if only for that moment and with a clear intention of making things clearer.
Now I agree with you that the better you become as a communicator, the more you'll be able to "clean up" your expressions; but I guess things get difficult in the multi-cultural aspect of things (as in many others), where "better" or "poorer" communication skills run on completely different tracks, depending on your cultural, traditional and even generational background.
"What?"
I keeed… I keeeeed. :)
I almost built a third graph in response, but OK. :P
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